How to Support a Friend Having an Abortion
Expanding abortion access in rural communities like the Eastern Sierra is a community-wide effort. And that means showing up for our friends and neighbors when they decide to have an abortion, making sure that they have everything they need to feel safe, supported, and comforted.
Here’s a few ideas for how to show up in real, practical, and compassionate ways for our friends and neighbors.
Listen Without Judgment
Your job isn’t to give advice or solve anything. Your job is to listen. Having an abortion can bring up a lot of feelings–about family of origin, about the families they might want to have in the future, about cultural taboos, guilt, and maybe even feelings of liberation. All these feelings are valid!
- Give them space to speak without interrupting.
- Say things like “I’m here for whatever you need” or "I'll support you"
- Ask open-ended questions like "How does that feel for you?"
- Remember you can support someone even if you don't fully agree with them
Offer material support
Ask what they need—and be specific about what you can do. Don't overpromise, and be realistic about what you can offer. But sometimes a small act can make a big difference. Some ideas:
- Offer to pick up their prescription
- Let them use your mailing address to receive pills (if it is safe for you to do so)
- Sit with them during telehealth appointments
- Help them gather supplies they will need for the day of their abortion
- Bring them food, pain medicine, a heating pad, or their favorite treat
- If they are having a medication abortion, offer to hang out or watch a movie with them
- Help them make a plan if they need to travel or stay overnight
- Offer childcare if they have kids
Respect Their Privacy
Support looks different for every person. Some people want privacy and alone time, some people want company, some people want a ritual or a prayer, some people want a party. Let your friend lead and share what support would look like to them.
Not everyone wants to talk about their abortion, and that’s okay. Don’t share their story with anyone—not even friends or partners—unless they ask you to. If they want to talk about it publicly later, support that too. The point is: it’s their story to tell, not yours.
Help Them Navigate Their Options
If your friend is feeling overwhelmed or doesn't know how to get started, ask if they would like help researching their options. If they say yes, share reliable abortion resources that our relevant to our region of California/Nevada, like the ones we list here. You can also help your friend verify an abortion provider is legit and reputable by making sure they are listed on AbortionFinder.org.
Help your friend avoid delays by steering them away from crisis pregnancy centers that offer misinformation and judgement, and offer try to steer people away from being able to access abortion. CrisisPregnancyCenterMap.com can help you independently verify if a clinic has been reported--but remember, this website is not always up-to-date for rural areas like Bishop, Ca. Support your friend in trusting their gut if a health care provider doesn't seem respectful of their choice.
Aftercare Matters
Even when someone feels confident in their decision, they may still have physical discomfort, emotional moments, or a need to decompress and process their experience. You can support them by:
- Checking in days or even weeks later
- Asking how they’re feeling physically and emotionally
- Reminding them they’re not alone
There’s no one right way to feel after an abortion. Some people feel relief. Some feel grief. Some feel both. Make space for all of it.
Your Support Can Change Everything
Being there for someone who’s having an abortion—whether they’re a partner, a friend, a sibling, or someone you barely know—is a radical act of care. In rural areas like the Eastern Sierra, where abortion access often requires extra time, travel, and effort, support systems for our friends and neighbors are especially important.
You don't have to be perfect. Show up without judgment. Show up with love. Show up with support. And maybe show up with cookies.